420 metres of Stockholm

Stockholm is truly one of Europe’s greatest cities. Its clean air, symbiotic nature with the water and fantastic architecture make it the ideal place to take a stroll, go shopping or take a sightseeing tour on one of the many boats that ply their trade on the waterways that run through the heart of the city. I’ve spent many hours getting lost in the old town, where new discoveries wait around every turn, spent afternoons watching the boats go through the city lock and had some great evenings out in some bars that are at the forefront of design and fashion. There are however just 420 metres that typify this city for me and make me keep coming back time and time again. Take a line from Östermalms Saluhall, walk by Ciao Ciao pizza restaurant and then end up in the Tudor Arms – 420 metres of heaven.
Östermalms Saluhall is an indoor market as it should be. Bustling, clean and with fresh produce to tickle the taste buds and fondle the stomach. From seafood to meat, cheese to vegetables it has it all. It is not just the preserve of the rich (although they do seem to congregate here), but any serious foodie can spend hours in there just walking around and becoming inspired. Tasting, squeezing, sniffing and talking shop with one of the hundreds of stall holders that are only too willing to let you sample their produce. If you are ever at a loss to that eternal question “what are we going to have for dinner tonight?” then simply stroll round the market and let yourself be inspired. One of the things I miss about living in England is that Sweden doesn’t really have local butchers and fishmongers where you can go in and simply ask “what do you recommend today?” but Östermalms Saluhall feels like a tiny slice of provincial England, with its cheery market folk and foodie culture.
190 metres eastwards from Östermalms Saluhall you have one of Sweden’s best and longest established pizza restaurants Ciao Ciao Grande. It looks ball breakingly expensive, with the pristine white table clothes and serving staff looking like they have just come from an Armani fashion shoot, but it isn’t. The food is out of this world, with real world prices. Many a deal, first date, marriage proposal and divorce has taken place at these tables; if you ever want to really impress someone in Stockholm – take them here.
It is only 230 metres to go for the next stop, but in between you have some bizarre shops, galleries and hotels to walk by. You know the kind of shop with windows where there is only one item for sale and you can’t imagine how they afford to pay the rent. It is all very arty-farty, but in some strange way, wherever you come from, you feel at home here.
Now every ex-pat has an over-romantic view of their country of birth, but The Tudor Arms is a British pub as it should be. Open fireplace, old wooden bar, Pete the landlord serving the drinks and brasses on the walls. It is not just a pub it is an employment office, help centre, doctors, pharmacy, meeting place, citizens advice bureau and old folks home rolled in to one. English is the first language spoken and Swedish a very poorly spoken second, the carpets have that hint of stickyness through years of beer spills and the clientele are, shall we say unique. There are builders, comedy drunks, ex-pats, Barbour-wearing alcoholic pensioners, tourists, Swedes that think they are Brits and there is even the slightly oversexed, over flirtatious Swedish blonde – don’t get excited, she’s at least 60. Oliver Reed once said that the reason he drinks was because of the people you can meet in pubs and this statement is typified by The Tudor Arms. After an afternoon in here you start fantasizing about Winston Churchill and thinking of cashing in your pension and heading back over The North Sea back to “blighty”. In The Tudor Arms hours seem to fly away, you become more melancholy and realise the absolute pointlessness of running for that underground train, when there is another one only minutes behind. Mobiles are discouraged, nobody boots up a laptop and a blackberry is something you have in a pie.
So forget about the walking tour that takes hours, visiting the palace or the countless museums. You will get a better taste of Stockholm in these 420 metres than you would during a whole day of sightseeing buses.

Benidorm – It’s my Costa Banker!

William Simons explains why the home of the package holiday is still a safe bet.

When the word Benidorm pops up in holiday conversation, 99% of people turn their noses up as though they have just walked through a farmyard. But what if I was to tell you that you could spend all summer there and not meet another Brit or that it is one of the most popular destinations for the Spaniards and that the food there is world class?
To understand why I have been returning there on and off for the last 20 years, we need to look at the geography of the place. Benidorm is a large town of 70 000 made up of two beaches sandwiching an old town jutting out on a headland. Levante beach forms the northern border of coastal Benidorm, followed by Poniente in the south. Both beaches are massive, wide and most importantly cleaned by a groomer style machine most nights. Poniente is almost exclusively populated by the Spaniards and the same can be said of 75% of Levante, with only the most northern tip having white (well red actually!) torsos on it. Behind Benidorm to the west there are the impressive Puig Campana Mountains, providing an amazing contrast to the skyscraper apartment blocks.
Now so many Spaniards can’t be wrong – they come for the food, clean blue-flagged beaches, blue sea and almost guaranteed weather. In fact if I were a resident here I wouldn’t begrudge paying my taxes one iota – beaches are groomed, beach pavements are hosed down every morning, bins are emptied, there is always a policeman visible and they lay on a November fiesta with astonishing fireworks every year.
The old town is by far my family’s favourite part of Benidorm. Small cobble-lined streets flanked by whitewashed buildings, jostling for position on the headland. Here you can find some amazing tapas bars. If you have never eaten tapas it is an experience not to be missed. Don’t be put off by the crowds or that you don’t speak Spanish – just point at the dishes already on show and hold the appropriate number of fingers up you require! The places are so busy that the food is always fresh and the choice on offer is staggering. Don’t miss the chance to try something new – squid, snails, pig’s trotters and octopus – at least you will have something to tell the neighbours about when you get home! The floors of these places are covered in paper serviettes, for the simple reason that once you are finished wiping your mouth of meatball sauce, you simple throw the serviette on the floor and grab a new one. The floors are swept clean every night.
Our favourite excursion in Benidorm is to take a boat trip to the nearby Isle De Benidorm. For €15 a head you get a lovely half hour boat trip to the island, where you transfer to a glass-bottomed submarine. Who needs to dress up like Jacques Cousteau when you can see marine life like this? After this there is a lovely café looking back towards Benidorm and it is then that you can really appreciate the rugged beauty of the landscape behind the town.
If you ever get tired from beach life, there are other options. There are a couple of waterparks (Aqualandia being our favourite), Mundomar – an animal park with dolphins, the theme parks of Terra Mitica and Terra Natura and a whole host of charming mountain villages just a short drive away.
It is not only tapas bars. There are a wide variety of restaurants to choose from – to say “wide variety” is somewhat of an understatement; we are constantly finding “new” discoveries. Even with recent currency fluctuations food and drink is still reasonable; especially if you opt for the Menu Del Dia option. By law every restaurant must have a set, fixed-price menu including beverage. These are often prices at around the €10 mark for 3 courses including wine. For a treat, we go to the restaurant in the harbour and have a shellfish platter washed down with a cool jug of Sangria. This €60 platter will feed a family of four in a fantastic setting – watching the sun go down behind the mountains with the flotilla of small boats bobbing around in the foreground.
The “English end” for me is treated a bit like an excursion. As an ex-pat it is nice to remind myself why I left The UK behind. I must admit I do have a soft spot for the 5ft high, bald Freddie Mercury impressionist, but Sticky Vicky, Sexy Barbara, karaoke, and endless “vocal impressionists” I can do without. This part of town is concentrated to about 10 blocks on two parallel streets. “Proper” acts do come to Benidorm. Sting and The Rolling Stones have both played there recently.
Accommodation is defiantly in the “you get what you pay for” range. Expect to pay more for beach front apartments with sea views (worth the extra as we spotted dolphins on two occasions this year) with prices decreasing as you move further inland. If you book privately, beware of words such as “lively” and “in the heart of”. One can only take so much of Freddie! Surprisingly there are a number of all-inclusive hotels, but surely with all the great restaurants on your doorstep this would be like being a sheep kept in the barn with a green field outside, on a fine spring day?
The November fiesta is my personal highlight. It is here when the Spaniards really let loose in a week long orgy of celebration. The whole of the old town in turned into a cacophony of noise, impromptu bars and firework cracks. Empty shops are rented for the week by penneas, which are groups of people that save all year round to buy alcohol, dress up in team colours and parade around the old town with their own band. Just try and imagine the noise as multitudes of penneas are dancing and playing their way around the old streets letting of fireworks and singing at the top of their voices. Now I’m going to sound like I’ve been smoking something I shouldn’t here, but the most un-missable item on the programme is the 2pm fireworks. No it is not a printing error, in the middle of the Sunday afternoon the main street is closed off and all hell breaks loose. The bangs are so loud that they make your ribcage rattle – last year there were even rockets that exploded producing a downpour of t-shirts! Monday morning at 3am sees an even more bizarre spectacle. Suddenly through your drunken haze, one notices more and more young people walking around in scarves, hats and gloves. Now my temperature regulation mechanism has had so much cerveza by this point that you could put me on the North Pole in shorts and flip-flops, but even I think this is strange. The reason for this over dressing is made clear when you meet thousands of people jumping as one with Catherine wheels above their heard with showers of sparks flying everywhere – it really is time for bed!

Tips to get even more out of Benidorm

Spend the morning by your pool and then go to the beach after lunch. The Spaniards are creatures of habit and flock to the beaches in the morning. At 1pm everyone leaves en-mass for their siesta, leaving the beach free for everyone else.
Use a “menu del dia” as a litmus test for a new restaurant. If the set menu is good, it is a safe bet that the rest of the menu might be worth exploring on a future visit.
Eat local – if the restaurant is busy is going to be good. Spaniards eat very late in the evening, so make note of busy eateries and come back before 8pm.
Get out on the water. You can only really appreciate the beauty of the mountains by seeing them from the sea. Take a boat trip either to Benidorm Island or nearby Calpe.
A smattering of Spanish will get you a long way. The lack of English particularly by the young constantly surprises us.


© William Simons