You can tell it is election time here in Sweden, not just because of the thousands of cheesy election posters that are springing up, but the nightly news is now dominated by the prospective parties promising perk after perk to the electorate. I swear I went to bed last week with the promise of a free electric car by one party, only to make up in the morning with it being trumped by a new Volvo and by dinner time it was a Ferrari. Surely, if all these new policies of tax reduction and better care for one group or another were possible, they would have implemented them already?
The main problem is that there is nothing to differentiate the parties. Coming from a land where one party is clearly left or right, Sweden is a muddled political jungle where no one is the alpha male (although I do have my suspicions about Maud Olofsson). To help point the hapless voter in the right direction, many of the newspapers and television internet sites have questionnaires that you can complete to give you an answer on what party you support. Is it just me or does this not smack of communist politics, where personal choice is taken out of the equation and big brother tells you where to put your valued cross? Whatever next? Before you know it the government won’t trust their citizens to buy alcohol in a responsible matter from supermarkets – oh bugger they don’t.
Having taken three of these questionnaires and been given three different answers, you are forced (joy of joys) to look at the personalities or lack of, the leaders of the parties. No Swedish hack dare put their head in the sniper’s firing line to do this, but the bar room / over the fence gossip mongers are certainly having a field day. We have Fredders Reinfeldt who has a head shaped like a Peter Nicholas and has never travelled further north in Sweden than Arlanda airport, Moaner Sahlin who has a huge turkey throat, Moad Olofsson who is more like my mother than I care to think about and the green party who by now are so drunk on the prospect of power they have overdosed on herbal tea and lost all sense of reality.
Secretly 99% of Swedes can’t stand our current PM Reinfeldt, not because he is not doing a good job, it is because of his finance minister, Anders Borg. If you are unfamiliar with Swedish life or have a pre-conceived view of an accountant in a suit, I beg you to sit down before you read the next sentence. (Deep breath) Readers, The Finance Minister of The Kingdom of Sweden has a greasy pony tail and an earring. I don’t want anyone who looks like this managing my adopted homeland’s coffers, what do the other countries finance ministers think of this rocker? You can only imagine the sniggers over lunch at the summits when the German and the Brits get together.
There is only really one alterative and that is Moaner’s reds. Unlike any other slippery politician, Moaner tells it like it is – vote for me and you will be poor. They will slap half a Kroner on petrol, take away tax relief for home improvement services and generally make everyone salute the flag at mid-day every Monday morning. Come on and play the game gobble-gobble neck, give me a reason to vote for you! The greens have some good ideas but only if your house is next to a bus stop or train station and that you are not the type of person that shuttles children to football matches or forgets to buy milk during the weekly shop. The other parties have so little support (under 10%) that you feel like a vote for them would be like a drop of Aquavit in The Baltic.
There is one person I and millions of my fellow Swede’s would vote for, but unfortuneatly he’s not standing. Someone who has done more for Sweden’s reputation abroad, who has already won the hearts and minds of the population and who understands the people. No not Sven-Göran Eriksson, but our current King Karl Gustav. He likes a tipple, is not afraid to be open, to show emotions or to make mistakes. Forget the other nation’s chinless wonders that people have never met, Charlie-boy must have met the population of Sweden several times over – everyone has a “King” story. Even I who lives in the back of beyond have been shopping with him and shared a flight with him. Other people I know have been on the same ski lift, cooked for him or worked for him. Next week I’ll tell you my favourite “King” story. Hasn’t the reds, greens, pinks and blues a lot to learn from someone that is truly blue-blooded?
© William Simons
